[bad teeth, bad fashion]

When people ask me about living in Japan they look at me to expel the stereotypes...

"Do they really sell underwear in vending machines?...Do they really have spray on nylons?...Do they wear skirts with the image of a succulent thonged derrière printed on the back?"

My answers are yes, yes, and no...but they do wear dirty shirts screaming vulgar obsceneties like "SEXY B*TCH HORNY LETS GO!"

And of course there is the age old question.... "Are their teeth really that bad?" I've heard the tragedy time and time again..."There was this really HOT chick on the train...I mean she had it going on! Then she opens her mouth to smile and WABAYAM! Messed up teeth! Like piano keys or something ridiculous. I'm tellin' you it was naaasty."

Yes, the teeth are pretty bad, but I experienced my own personal Japanese tragedy. I was sitting in Ootoya, awaiting my nice Japanese set dinner when a group of four guys walked in and sat down at a table across from me. Of course, being a writer, I do my fair share of observing, scoping and yes, checking out guys at restaurants.

One of them, in particular, could have passed for Andy Lau's-much younger-in his mid twenties-Japanese nephew. (see Andy held at gunpoint in "Infernal Affairs") He sported a pair of dark red framed glasses which actually worked quite well for him. It was all working quite well for him....the khaki green eddie bauer-ish outdoorsy jacket and the casual leather shoes...not pointy, studded, or made of that snakeskin leather so many Japanese men particularly enjoy. He held a casual but confident demeanor and as he sat down, I caught him glancing over at my table and he continued to do so throughout his conversation with his three other companions.

My food arrived and as I began to eat, I saw his friends sneaking looks through my miso soup. Ah, the little pleasures of romantic exchange at a restaurant with complete strangers. Andy Lau's nephew proceeded to shed his jacket and as he did...it slowly emerged.

A bright-fushia-fleece jacket.

It was that hidden flaw every woman dreads discovering in her well-cherished companion-- spelled out en vogue. There are a lot of things a woman can put up with....maybe he spends more time in the bathroom than you do, and gets a little too excited about the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale....but in the relationship there is only ONE person who should be wearing bright fushia and goddammit, its gonna be me!